Rules come in all shapes and sizes. They can be as innocent as "you shouldn't do that" or "that's not good for you," or as damaging as "you're a bad girl" and "that was stupid of you."

And then there's the old standby: "If you do that, then this will happen to you."

Some of these rules make perfect sense. Less sensible are expectations of behaviour that go well beyond the physical safety of the self and others.

Most of us have an inner voice recording that never stops spewing forth ideas about what everything is supposed to be like and what everyone else is supposed to experience from any given circumstance or event.

Times have changed, however, and many of the rules and beliefs that our parents or others had about life are no longer relevant, regardless of how effectively they have been hammered into our minds.

An innocent comment spoken to a child or teen can wreak havoc on their inner perspective and well-being. Telling someone that what they did or did not do was stupid, for example, can leave a lingering scent of "not good enough."

As parents, it may be time for all of us to closely observe the beliefs we have about life. If one dresses, speaks or acts a certain way, do we think that is indicative of who they really are on the inside?

Do we listen to others' opinions of something or someone, and then call it our own truth even if we have never really come into contact with it or them?

As a teen, these same questions could be asked regarding views of others and the self. Just because you receive a faltering grade once does not mean you are doomed for failure for the rest of your life.

Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean you will be alone or are innately unlovable.

Take the time to examine the words that describe your views on life. Are they truly yours, or is your mental closet in need of an overhaul?

The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed or even strangled by the voices of other people's expectations.

Jasmine Iwaszkiewicz specializes in youth counselling. Her website is www.beingu.ca. Questions for her can be sent to mirror@simcoe.com.